Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
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i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize