The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
