I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it glows. i had to have it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
