how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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