ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
