Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I need moral support for this bender
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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