guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think i got beer on your cat.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
