no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
