I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
