You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
