i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
