oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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