if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
