Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
