M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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