god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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