i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
