sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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