Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
