Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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