i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
