ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
