dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
