I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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