Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
