So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
