ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
