nut hugger
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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