you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
