Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
