Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we

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(707): View more from California

tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"

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(305): View more from Florida

Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

(786): View more from Florida

How high are you right now..

(305): View more from Florida

I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

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(410): View more from Maryland

There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"

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