grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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