Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
