Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
