i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have demons in me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
