she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
