I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
