brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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