In America we eat man semen.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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