I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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