Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
