i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
