Screwed.edu
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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