I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish they made helmets for livers.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
