I wannas sexs uuuuu
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
