he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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