I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
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THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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