i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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