What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
