that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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