Don't you send me to vm
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
