I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
