420 ftw
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
