TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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