NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
