after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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