So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You smell like stripper and shame
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
