meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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