just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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