just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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