She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize