my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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