2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
