what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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