my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What a dumb baby whore.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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