That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
