meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
