my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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