Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
