it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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